Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize