Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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