I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
