i just wanna soil my oats bro
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
