Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
