A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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