I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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