I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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