if you like me you must not know who I am
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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