I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
