I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize