I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
