I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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