I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
