I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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