i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
