I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
