i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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