Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
