I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
