Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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