and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
