Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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