I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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