Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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