I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
