Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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