I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
