At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
