he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
