I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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