We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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