Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
