I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
