as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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