as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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