im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
