If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
