Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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