Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
