Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
