Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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