we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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