will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
