You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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