I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
