He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
