i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
