U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
