Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
