i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
