Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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