just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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