I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
