I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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