i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
