I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
