forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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