i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
