So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Vodka?
Forever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
