I wish life had little blips of pornography
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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