butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My cat gives me a boner
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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