Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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