Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
