escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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