i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
