i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
