GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
