You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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