are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
