RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
