idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my being single is dangerous.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
