I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
