apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
