New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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