that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
