I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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