he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
